Yvette plus Daniel

I don't even know where to begin...This is hard for me to write because part of me wants to keep this in and pretend like it's not happening, but keeping it in makes me feel alone, and that just adds to the pain.  Our baby boy was diagnosed with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia and as soon as he comes into this world, he is going to have to fight for his life.   The minute he enters this world, he is going to be taken from me and hooked up to machines and tubes and Dan and I won't get to hold our baby because he'll be too unstable.  I'm willing to do whatever is best for my baby, but I don't know if I am strong enough for this...

The news came as a shock to me.  When to doctor told me that the ultrasound (at 24 weeks) showed that my baby's heart was on his right side instead of the left, I stared at her with wide eyes and just nodded, thinking, "Oh, I saw this on Grey's Anatomy and that guy was fine."  But as soon as they took me out of the ultrasound room and called Maternal Fetal Medicine at the hospital, it hit me that this could be something more serious and I just lost it.  I was alone and terrified and Dan was on his way to Oregon for the weekend.  I called him and he came back to be with me.  Neither of us understood what this meant but (despite the doctor's orders) we did some research online and found that the most common result for "heart on right side" was dextrocardia.  This is when your internal organs are flipped and not just arranged in a weird position.  These people can lead completely normal lives.  We hoped and prayed that this was the situation for our baby boy, but we wouldn't know for sure until the following week.  The wait felt like months.

At our appointment the next week with maternal fetal medicine, we had two ultrasounds done, one with an ultrasound technician and another with a specialist.  Both times they confirmed that our baby's heart was not where it should be, but thankfully, his heart was strong and developing as it should.  They both also had a hard time locating his stomach within the ultrasound, which scared me because I didn't know what on earth that could possibly mean.  While we hoped we would get a solid answer on what was going on, the doctor couldn't tell us for sure what we could expect for our baby boy until we got an MRI done and she could confirm a diagnosis.  We had to wait a week for our MRI appointment and another week for the results.   Two short weeks felt like months again.

The MRI wasn't scary but I cried throughout the procedure anyway, feeling terrified and sad for what the results could mean.  From what the specialist told us, it could mean either that our baby didn't have a functioning spleen and therefore wouldn't be strong enough to fight off infections, or he could have a hernia in his diaphragm, causing his lower organs to move up into his chest cavity.  To me, there was no good outcome.

The specialist we had met with a couple of weeks earlier called us a week later to tell us the results.  I was at work and stepped outside so I could react to the news away from my desk.  She confirmed that our baby has Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, meaning that his diaphragm didn't close all the way when it was developing.  The condition is serious in and of itself, but it is made more severe if the lower organs have moved up.  Our baby's liver has moved up into his chest cavity, pushing his heart over to the right and impeding the growth of his left lung.  He also has a separate complication of his trachea and esophagus being connected, which could explain the problem of his stomach not filling up with fluid and being hard to find in ultrasounds. I honestly (still) have no idea what that means and how they would fix it.  Devastated by the news, I left work in tears, grateful that I can set my own schedule and didn't have to work for three more hours with this on my mind.

A meeting with a pediatric surgeon a couple of days later finally told us what we could expect after birth.  I'll have to be induced up at the U so that they can have a team assembled to care for our baby as soon as he's out.  He'll be stabilized and then will undergo surgery to move his organs down and close the hernia.  After this, his left lung should have room and the capacity to grow.  We'll be praying that his lung will grow without further complications.  The surgeon told us we could be looking at a two month hospital stay, minimum.

I don't care about the hospital stay and I don't care about what's happening to my body.  All I want is for my baby to be strong enough to fight this when he's born.  I want to hold him and spend some time with him.  I want to see glimpses of his sweet little personality and I want him to know that I love him more than I ever thought possible.  I want to keep him safe inside me and sometimes wish he could stay there forever, because at least there, he's safe.
I shared this because it was hard to keep it in.  When anyone asks me if baby's doing well, I say yes, because they don't know and I don't want to cry in front of them as I explain his condition.  But if I don't tell people, then I'll continue to feel alone and if people are aware, then maybe they can pray alongside us.  Lately, I've come across a lot of blogs of mothers who have been in similar situations and I think of how brave they are to share their stories.  I see the support that they receive from those who love them and even from strangers.  How can I feel support if people don't know what's going on?  We've already felt so much love from those who know and are praying and fasting for our little boy.  We've named him Grayson Daniel and I think it's a beautiful name for a beautiful boy.  If you could keep him in your prayers, we would be eternally grateful.  We've already seen so many blessings and have had our faith strengthened and know that if it's our Heavenly Father's will, we'll be blessed to raise Grayson a happy and healthy boy.

Little Aimee

Brithday girl and her daddy

Happy kids looking for the polar bear

Seriously, though, those animals were trying to avoid the heat as much as the rest of us!  They were all hiding in the shade and it was a long wait for them to give me a good enough picture.  But I did manage to get some.

A little blurry but I had to--such a beautiful animal!

Sleepy rhino

Modeling for the camera

This shy guy was trying to hide itself under leaves

Two George weekend updates in a row for you because interesting things don't usually happen throughout the week for us.  We live for weekends.  It was a long weekend thanks to Memorial Day so we took advantage and drove off to the Salt Flats on Saturday, way out near the Nevada border.  Prepared with kites and hot dogs, we got there around 5 pm to start enjoying the fun.  Of course, things don't always work out as planned.  The flats were so wet that we couldn't really enjoy them the way we wanted to.  It was hardly windy, so we didn't get to use the kite either.  However, when you have the right company, you never really miss out on fun.

Practicing our dance break

Director Dan

These girls are models

I was laughing really hard here because Ashley had just fallen over.  Great big sister, right?

And there you have it!  A great beginning to Summer!

I recently realized that I love love love spontaneous travel.  If I'm planning a vacation, I'm planning it for that weekend.  It's much more exciting to me if we pack up and go with two days to think about it, as opposed to having months and months to plan.  I get tired of waiting.  That's probably why I'm always looking through Groupon and Living Social for travel deals that we just can't refuse.  (Unfortunately, because we're not rich, we've had to refuse every single deal.)  I just love to travel and go on adventures on impulse.

I'm pretty sure this is a result of my family's vacationing habits while I was growing up.  My most memorable vacations were as spontaneous as they come.  I remember playing with my sisters in our bedroom before bed and my mom comes in and tells us that we are going to Mexico that weekend, like three days away.  And not only that, but we are staying there all summer!  It was a three month party with cities, beaches, and tiny rural villages.  And then the following year, my mom walks into our room, tells us to pack because the next day we were leaving for California to go to Disneyland, Universal Studios, and Sea World.  So we didn't ask why because how often were our parents going to surprise us like that?  I think that might have been the end of it, but surprise vacations really were the best.

So a couple of Fridays ago was one of those days where I was just dying to get out of Provo and I thought, why not go to Goblin Valley?  Not too far, but still super fun.  Unfortunately, it didn't work out to go that weekend, so I had to wait a week, which I hated.  But it was still so much fun and we got to film a really neat music video featuring the Quinn's and the George's.  Here are some awesome photos for you too look at!

the gang

Marissa being really cool.

We thought Dan was dead.  He was fine

Tat being really cool.

Me being really cool.

We're just all so cool.

The Great Valley of the Goblins

So this is my "final" attempt at a blog.  And when I say that, I'll let you know that it's probably a complete lie.  This is my third, no, fourth blog (?) that I've started up and I don't write past entry number 2.  But I've become a little obsessed lately and I find myself reading blogs all the time, and that makes me want to have one of my own.

At this point, I think the direction I want to take is the "journal/timeline" approach and post what we (the George's) did throughout the week, what we learned, any pictures we might have taken.  A lot of my friends have blogs because their families are far away and they want to keep them updated on their lives.  Not me (except for my lovely in-laws that live in Oregon, and my lovely little sister that lives in CA).  Most of my family is right here in Utah.  But I can only hope that eventually Dan and I will move away from this place that is way too cold in winter, and live somewhere warmer, where there are palm trees.  And beaches.  And Disneyland.  And then there will be need for my blog.  But for now, it is for me.  And my babies.  I've always wanted to read my mom's journal, but she didn't keep one.  Neither did my dad, or any one of my ancestors that I know of.  And I just can't do that to my babies.  I can imagine them 20 years from now, reading my blog from their hologram computers...and laughing at my wit...just kidding.  I'm just hoping they'll be interested.  If not, I'm sure I'll read this 50 years from now to remember "the good old days."

So yesterday was a good day.  Dan found out he got accepted into the Master's program for his major and we get to stick around for two more years instead of just one.  Which is good for me too because I kind of love my job at BYU Broadcasting.  To add to the good news, Dan sold his scooter!  With the most recent addition of a motorcycle, there was no need for the scooter.  He'd had plenty of offers for $500, but this is a great scooter, and because we like money (don't judge us, because who doesn't?), we wanted more for it.  He gets a text from this guy who will give him $500 and a canon xl1 for it, along with green screen and professional lights.  Umm...okay!  I was so excited to get a nice camera that would help me take beautiful pictures to post on this lovely blog.  One of those with the fancy names that does more than just record a memory, but makes it look better than it actually was?  You know what I'm talking about?  So we looked it up and it turns out it's a video camera.  Boo.  But the camera is worth 3-400 alone.  It was a good deal so we handed off the scooter and ended up with a camcorder, a green screen, and lights.

I'm bummed that I won't have pretty pictures to post on here but maybe movies?  Once we figure out how to work the thing?  So maybe we can look forward to that. :)