Today I talk about Grayson.  He is a beautiful little boy, taken from this earth too soon.  In my belly he was very calm some days, and very active other days.  I could just picture him happy to sit and read books and just as happy to play sports with his dad.  In my belly, he made me worry every so often because I wouldn't feel him kick.  I imagined that there were plenty of times he'd make me worry when he was a baby, a toddler, a teenager.  I pictured us at his baseball games (but Dan says he would have played tennis) cheering him on and very proud.  I pictured myself reading him to him every night, and taking him on adventures, and teaching him to appreciate nature.  There are so many things I wanted for him.  I never imagined that he would be taken from me, but he was.

Holding him in my arms was amazing and I knew he was someone very special.  I admired his thick dark hair, and his much lighter, thick eyebrows, and his sweet little lips.  He was perfect.  The two things I really wish I could have known are the color of his eyes, and if he had dimples like his dad.  When we see each other again in heaven, I'm sure he'll be smiling and I'll know.

Grayson got to meet most of his family, who loves him very much.  Some of us have already planned to get together on his birthday next year and play some tennis in his honor (I pictured him playing in the US Open some day.  Not too outrageous, right?).  And I will definitely teach his siblings about their older brother who is watching over them from Heaven.  I will make sure that his memory is honored and that he never feels forgotten.  I feel like a piece of my heart is missing, and it must be with him.  I hope he feels how strong my love for him is.  He has changed me forever, and I'm honored to be his mother.